I've Got Sunshine on a February Day

Florida, you are beautiful & awesome & amazing & wonderful & I am madly in love with you....even though you've had bipolar tendencies lately. I don't even care that the crazy wind & a blister slowed me down. Because today, you let the sunshine in & I got to run outside. And Soak. It. Up.

Trust, Faith, and a Daily Devotion

When your daily devotion hits you right upside the head & right where you are...from Streams in the Desert....

Surely, I am with you always (Matthew 28:20)

"Never look ahead to the changes and challenges of this life in fear. Instead, as they arise look at them with the full assurance that God, whose you are, will deliver you out of them. Hasn't He kept you safe up to now? So hold His loving hand tightly, and He will lead you safely through all things. And when you cannot stand, He will carry you in His arms.

Do not look ahead to what may happen tomorrow. The same everlasting Father who cares for you today will take care of you tomorrow and every day. Either He will shield you from suffering or He will give you His unwavering strength that you may bear it. Be at peace, then, and set aside all anxious thoughts and worries". ~Frances de Sales

He will silently plan for you,
His object of omniscient care;
God Himself undertakes to be
Your pilot through each subtle snare.,

He WILL silently plan for you,
So certainly, He cannot fail!
Rest on the faithfulness of God,
In Him you will surely prevail.

He will SILENTLY plan for you
Some wonderful surprise of love.
No eye has seen, no ear has heard,
But it is kept for you above.

He will silently PLAN for you,
His purpose will all unfold;
Your tangled life will shine at last,
A masterpiece of skill untold.

He will silently plan FOR YOU,
Happy child of a Father's care,
As if no other claimed His love,
But you alone to Him were dear.
~ E. Mary Grames

I Ran A Mile....

Watching my 14 year old at baseball tryouts & thinking about our after school convo from yesterday....

Him:: "Mom, I ran a mile at school today"
This, from the kid who hates running...and, in the past, was not shy about letting me know it when he was forced to.
Me:: "You did?!?! Was it awful & horrible for you???". wink emoticon
Him:: "No.... All those other kids were complaining so much and I thought, 'you shouldn't complain.. This is nothing! My mom ran 28!!!'. I even said it out loud to one kid. Because I'm really proud of you, Mom". ❤❤❤

Maybe their thing isn't running. Maybe YOUR thing isn't running. But taking care of yourself, pushing to achieve goals...it's not selfish. It's being an example....you're teaching those you care for that they can achieve hard things too. They're always watching & always learning from you, whether you think they are or not.

Trust His Heart

....that moment (or those moments) when clarity is shed on something that didn't work out despite your best efforts and you've been kind of wondering WHY NOT ever since....

And you say, "WOAH, nellie. Thank you, Lord"....

He knows best. Yes, He does.

Do you ever wonder just how many bullets we dodge, thanks to Him not working out the things we thought we wanted??? 

Bunny Walkin'....

Just because.  Our bunny is super cute.  Our bunny on a leash is super cuter.  ;)

.......and THIS is how you take a bunny for a walk!!!! Pausing once in a while for snack breaks...

Just in case you wondered.  Haha.

.....and my girl with her bunny.  Ahhhh.....makes a mama's heart melt.  <3
These are the kind of days for which I've prayed.
Bunny walking is so much better than chemo, radiation, &
all that goes with it!!!!

Sometimes, music just hits you right where you are, ya know???

She Always Gets Back Up.

Just because.  Life is hard.  Being a mom is hard.  Single mom-ness is hard.  REALLY hard.....and we never feel like we're doing enough, being enough, etc, etc, etc.

This.

Never Underestimate the Impact of Surprise Encouragement

Kinda cool when you open a surprise pkg like this on a Monday following a week that left you feeling like you can't win for losing in a cpl areas...my sweet friends.  They have a way of  making  my day.  <3

10 Facts Every Woman Should Know

10 Facts Every Woman Should Know:

1. Everyone has rolls when they bend over.
2. When someone tells you that you're beautiful, believe them. They aren't lying.
3. Sometimes we all wake up with breath that could kill a goat.
4. For every woman unhappy with her stretch marks is another woman who wishes she had them.
5. You should definitely have more confidence. And if you saw yourself the way others see you, you would.
6. Don't look for a man to save you. Be able to save yourself.
7. It's okay to not love every part of your body....but you should.
8. We all have that one friend who seems to have it all together. That woman with the seemingly perfect life. Well, you might be that woman to someone else.
9. You should be a priority. Not an option, a last resort, or a backup plan.
10. You're a woman. That alone makes you pretty damn remarkable. 
- Austin Blood

Run/Walk/Crawl....My 2015 Wall of Awesomeness ;)

"I always thought of running as just dancing forward" ~ Tom Hiddleston


 BEHOLD. The wall of awesomeness that was my running year, 2015.  Looking ahead to this one. ;)

♫Life's a dance, you learn as you go...sometimes you lead, sometimes you follow♫......I don't think it really matters, as long as you Just. Keep. Going..... & find a way to dance along the way wink emoticon

♫Don't worry 'bout what you don't know, Life's a dance...you learn as you go...♫

A New Year......She's Back, She's Better & Stronger Than Ever

So...yeah.  I had to take some time off.  From the blogging world, and from a lot of other parts of the world that was as I knew it, too.

In the past few years, I went through a horrible divorce, lost my dream home, found out my daughter had stage 4b cancer and fought that fight with her, with everything I had in me.

A year ago, we had just gotten home from what we hoped was the final hospitalization.  I had lived for 2 years in Crisis and Survival Mode, and the storms I walked through were building long before they all got out of control.  When you live like that....when it's "over"....if you're like me, your body, your mind, your heart all say to you...."we've had it....you've gotten your family through all of this and now, we're going to crash".  And that's kind of what happened.  Shrug.  A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.  Which means, listen to that body, mind and heart....keep doing the bare minimum of what it takes to get through life and take care of your kids...but pull back as much as possible to allow all the things you've gone through to hit you.  So that you can properly process and deal with it all....and find your way to healing.

And that's just what I did.  I thought about deleting my blog, thinking "I'll never get back enough mental energy for that", but could never do it.  I thought of deleting it and starting a new one, one that would fit my life now.  But I can't do it.  All the parts of my past are all part of the me I am today....everything I've lived, all the posts I posted, all part of ME.

So.  I'm keeping the old.  And embracing the new.  And am on my way back....with guidance and dependence on the One who made me, as always.  And I'll probably share some of what I've gone through during my time/post gap as I continue this journey.  At the time, I was surviving and had nothing in me to give.  As time heals and hearts get stronger, though, you get distance & healing, and learn to share again in the hopes of helping others.

I made it through multiple catastrophic storms that could have broken me, and in some ways did. They could have destroyed me....but they didn't.  They made me better.  And stronger than ever.

I'm so ready for the new year and the new me that He will shape me into along the way, and the new future that He has for me.  I'll be working and tweaking here & there, to make the old blog fit the new me....you never know what changes you might find, haha.

Ready, Set, Go.  ;)

My Friends Remind Me....

To be honest.....feeling A LOT more things all at once than blessed {I'll spare you the rest wink emoticon }....but for right now, just want to say THANK YOU. For the prayers, encouragement, so many acts of service and kindness, generosity, attempts to add a smile to our days here & there, patience and understanding with unreturned msgs, etc., etc, etc, .....THANK YOU to each and every person & family that's helping us get through so much. Even in the moments when I look around and feel completely worn & empty & like there's nothing left to lose &.....{this is where I spare you the rest}..... there's still the feeling of "my cup runneth over". It doesn't make any sense, but it is what it is.

Only God can do that. Through all of you.

Mama Love

My boys' hugs are awesome. And their smiles when they walk through the door and see me = Mama LOVE. heart emoticon heart emoticon

"Faithful One" ~Selah

"I Believe" ~ JJ Heller

When Things Don't Go The Way You Planned.....

They finally started chemo at 1:13 am. (Saturday)....my sleeping beauty got up for just a few minutes around 8:00 to brush her teeth, etc.....and was doing ok, got back into bed and had her mama bring her an extra blanket, tuck her in tight with a kiss, and fell back to sleep.  And she sleeps on....

Looking at my calendar at things coming up.....Robert's 13th bday falls right in the middle of her 4th round of chemo.  UGH.  Gonna make the best of it just like Winnie the Pooh says.....but.....

DADGUMMIT.  :'(

*********************************************

SN: I gained much wisdom and love for Winnie the Pooh from an 18 book set of storybooks that I would read to my kids when they were small enough to sit in my lap.....and even when they weren't.  :)  Each book began with "Words of Wisdom" from Winnie the Pooh, and then a story to follow.  We had storytime every night before bed and they would come to me, with their little chubby selves and their cute little faces and excited little eyes.....and have not ONE, but two or three books each in their chubby little hands and often, I would read every single book they brought until I gave out.  ;)  Many times, there was one....or two or three... from our Winnie the Pooh set.  I read them so much, I memorized them.  They were the BEST books and I still quote them today!! ;)  And I still have them....in storage right now, but I think I will hold onto them forever.  I got rid of so many things over the course of two moves, but those books.....they're special.  <3  Smiling now as I think of silly names I've given to things and recipes, and of how many quotes & phrases I use, that came from those books...

My three would fight like crazy over who got to sit in my lap.  Usually one would get there first and greedily climb up and hold on tight so they didn't lose the most treasured seat in the house.  ;)  The other two would sit on each side of me, as close as they could get and they would often have to turn the pages for me because they were leaning in to me so closely that I couldn't move my arms.  And I would read until my throat hurt, with that one in my lap snuggled up tight....his or her head just under my chin, or right beside my face, depending on which one it was, and I could rest my head against their sweet smelling hair while I read.  Chubby little fingers pointing at their favorite pictures and swatting their siblings' hands out of the way.  Little legs wiggling and kicking with excitement when we got to their favorite part.  Mighty and indignant protests if I tried to skip sentences to shorten the story....they had them memorized, too...couldn't pull one over on them!!  Smiles and laughter when I would try, just to pick on them and hear their reactions when I did.  Ahhhhh.....sweet, sweet memories are even better than that good cup of coffee I posted about earlier, but they trigger tears in your eyes and an ache in your heart (and coffee doesn't do that). 

Do you ever think about your most favorite & treasured times and wish you could just go back....just for a little while....and be in those moments again??  For time to stand still while you just....BE STILL in those moments and wish they would go in super slow motion so that you can soak up every drop of them with all of your senses and find a place within you to hold those moments tight and keep them safe so that you never, ever lose them....and can go back to them anytime you want or need to??  Or is it just me and I'm the only one that's weird like that??  Maybe that's why I hold on to those books and always will..... 

"When things don't go the way you plan.....Make the best of it"!  ~ Winnie the Pooh

 

 

Words of Wisdom from Winnie the Pooh.  A very wise bear indeed.  I like him.  And I like that Tigger, too.  I think if you combined the two, you'd have ME.  ;)

 

 

 



Hospitals.  Lots of quiet.  Apparently good for writing.  And processing, filtering, organizing and working my way through the many thoughts battling each other in my head because of the quiet.

It helps. 

Make the best of it.  Any way you can.

Psalm 40:2

"Still My God" ~ Avalon

Perfect Timing....

Hey. I have a story to tell! I bet you're shocked. ;)

Ashlyn made a friend while volunteering last week at VBS......the mechanical bull operator. She, along with another BFF...sweet Laura,  has affectionately named & called him "Best Friend", brought him snacks & goofed off with him on the days she was there. She has invited him to church several times throughout the week. On the days she had to miss due to her dr's appts, he found... out about Ashlyn's diagnosis and her upcoming surgery. Turns out, his sister just had the same surgery last week for a port and g-tube that Ashlyn is having. Before she left last night, his "maybe" of coming to church turned into he "will" come to church....and that he wanted to keep up with how she is doing.

A coincidence that their paths would coincide?? That she just so happens to strike up this silly/fun friendship at this particular time in her life, on this particular week, that would bring her so much laughter....and meet someone who's sister is going through the same thing at the same time, showing her that she's not the only one?? And that she could, in return, have an impact on him & get him to agree to come to church?? I think not.

God WILL use for good, what Satan means for destruction.....and has perfect timing in the orchestration of who and what He brings into our lives when. He's cool like that.

Romans 8:28

We have a hearing test at Nemours and PET scan at Shands today, and Ashlyn's surgery is tomorrow. They will put in her port and g-tube and might begin her first round of chemo while we're in the hospital, depending on all the test and scan results. She will spend at least one night there......and she asked me on the way home last night, "I'll get to go to church Wednesday night, right?" and got so mad when the answer was "no". "But I'll be out of the hospital in time...."

Love that girl. So much. ♥

‪#‎PrayForAshlyn

The Follow-Up

Update on Ashlyn: We were hit with some pretty hard stuff today and are in for a rough road ahead. I'm having a little trouble seeing the keyboard as I type this.... :'( :'( Going to be specific because I want very specific prayers for my Ashy Mash.....maybe if we're very specific, it'll change something....or give her more strength to get through it... Good news: 80% survival rate The rest... of the news: She is in at least Stage 2B (speculative at this point).....but we still have to see if it has spread anywhere else. Once scans and tests are completed, we will get a confirmation of her stage. We had more bloodwork done today & she will be having many scans and tests done over the next several days: MRI of brain/neck, CT chest scan, PET scan, bone scan, hearing test, panorex(sp?) xray of teeth. The treatment will be very aggressive and intense. She will be receiving a permanent IV and we have an apptmt tmrw for a consult with the physician who will be putting in a chemo port....surgery for that will most likely be Monday. She will be receiving high radiation & chemo treatments that will result in painful mouth sores that will leave her unable to eat, so she will have to have a g-tube. She will also lose her hair. She's going to be a very sick girl as we try to fight this. She will be in pain and will be on several meds to try to counteract the physical reactions of the treatment. The high frequency of the radiation may cause some hearing loss, which might be temporary....or might be permanent. The radiation may also cause a loss of fertility and hypothyroidism. As far as we know now, she will have 3 rounds of chemo, followed by 2 rounds of radiation plus chemo combined and will begin next week. She is scared. And sad. Sad that she can't go to camp. Sad that she can't continue riding lessons.....her happiest place of all... And sad that she can't play soccer. And mad. And all kinds of things.......and I can't blame her. So much suddenly taken now, and threatening to be taken from her future. "The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly." John 10:10 Please pray for healing and restored health for her. Strength for all of us. And that she....and her brothers, who are also struggling right now....will be able to see & learn & grow through this.....to see for themselves exactly who it is that is responsible for the stealing, killing and destroying....& that in the midst of turmoil, pain and suffering....dreams crushed and stolen, that they would learn to turn to the Giver of Life with it all....who gives so graciously, lovingly and abundantly every step of the way. ‪#‎PrayForAshlyn