A few of my keys to surviving the storms of life &, getting through them well:: prayer, unshakeable faith, holding onto God's promises like a pit bull ;) , and a CONSTANT input of scripture & positivity.
This is one quote that I would pull up on the hardest of days. Choosing to believe that one day....I wouldn't have to read it while saying "I hope so" and "God....PLEASE".
There are still hard days. Single mom life isn't for the weak of heart & spirit. But, now....this quote makes me smile. Better days & better things than what we've had & what we've left behind.... are pretty flippin' AWESOME!!!!! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
When your daily devotion hits you right upside the head & right where you are...from Streams in the Desert....
Surely, I am with you always (Matthew 28:20)
"Never look ahead to the changes and challenges of this life in fear. Instead, as they arise look at them with the full assurance that God, whose you are, will deliver you out of them. Hasn't He kept you safe up to now? So hold His loving hand tightly, and He will lead you safely through all things. And when you cannot stand, He will carry you in His arms.
Do not look ahead to what may happen tomorrow. The same everlasting Father who cares for you today will take care of you tomorrow and every day. Either He will shield you from suffering or He will give you His unwavering strength that you may bear it. Be at peace, then, and set aside all anxious thoughts and worries". ~Frances de Sales
He will silently plan for you, His object of omniscient care; God Himself undertakes to be Your pilot through each subtle snare.,
He WILL silently plan for you, So certainly, He cannot fail! Rest on the faithfulness of God, In Him you will surely prevail.
He will SILENTLY plan for you Some wonderful surprise of love. No eye has seen, no ear has heard, But it is kept for you above.
He will silently PLAN for you, His purpose will all unfold; Your tangled life will shine at last, A masterpiece of skill untold.
He will silently plan FOR YOU, Happy child of a Father's care, As if no other claimed His love, But you alone to Him were dear. ~ E. Mary Grames
There’s a girl you know, or maybe just know of. She used to be happy. Joyful.
Cheerful. Always smiling. But something has changed. She’s been told her smile isn’t as bright….that
it doesn’t reach her eyes anymore. If
you’re close to her, you might know why,
or you might just wonder why but don’t want to ask. You’ve watched her change right before your
eyes. You watched as she began to laugh
less. And smile less. You watched as she lost her song. She has been asked about…..and talked
about. She’s been questioned on whether
she has lost her faith. On whether she
has been faithful to read His word regularly, to seek Him in all things, to
pray. The answer is NO. She hasn’t lost her faith. It’s the one thing she clings to….the one
thing that keeps her going. The answer
is YES….she kept seeking Him, turning to His Word, and praying even though she has
felt those prayers kept bouncing back at her.
She’s had to. She doesn’t know how else to live. Her faith is as real to her as the air she
breathes….she doesn’t know how to live without it and doesn’t want to, doesn’t
know how NOT to pray….sometimes she lacked the words, often times it was just
crying out His name and knowing that He could see her heart and hear the words
she couldn’t find. She’s been filled
with confusion and hurt. With PAIN. She has been mad at God….YES, mad. She has questioned Him, has cried out to Him,
has yelled at Him….but she hasn’t turned away from Him. She knows that He’s a big God and can take it…that
He knows her heart and her hurt, that He can handle her emotions….that if there’s
anyone it’s safe to be REAL with….it’s Him.
She’s felt like just a shadow of her former self….and the
changes in her, her visible descent, began
long before it showed. You never knew
what lied underneath her laugh and her smile….but there was something there
before they were gone. She’s been on a journey so painful, it’s
threatened to do her in. She’s been
stuck in a realm of confusion and indecision, of a 2 steps forward, 3 steps
back process of awakening and enlightenment that left her in a holding pattern,
hovering over which direction to take to break out of it….feeling so close to
reaching bottom but never actually touching down. Her closest friends have wanted to push her,
prod her, somehow get her moving….hurting
as they watched her hurt and feeling helpless.
It wasn’t something they could do for her….she had to do it
herself. And she couldn’t. Not until she knew for sure…..and she couldn’t
find a way to know for sure. It took
something coming into her life, briefly and completely unexpectedly….something
she never imagined would be there….to break her holding pattern and cause her
to make the final descent to the depths that were bottom.
To shake her up completely, to just give out in every way….to cause her
to see what was happening to her….to the person she had once been, and would
continue to happen if she didn’t come out of her fog.
That emotional bottom is paralyzingly dark….so dark, you
wonder if you’re going to stop breathing and have to force yourself at times
not to. Days of functioning
just enough to get the basics done….because life goes on whether you’re
up to it or not…. while the tears won’t stop and the burning, clenching ache in
your throat, your chest, your stomach just won’t let up.
She spent sleepless nights curled up around that ache….spent sobbing
into her pillow, crying out desperately for the Lord to just SHOW UP….pleading
for Him to turn His face towards her again, begging for His deliverance, for
His clarity and firm direction on what to do, for Him to reach out and lift her
up out of this pit of confusion, to finally hear His voice again. And in those darkest hours, while her
children are sleeping and all is quiet….everything she’s lived, every painful
memory, every hurtful word and glare and experience….every bruise on her body and soul is
relived in excruciating detail and she can’t make her brain stop thinking. She can’t hear His voice no matter what she
does, no matter how her heart longs to.
She reaches an exhaustion she didn’t know it was possible to live
through. And then….in the darkest of nights, the voice of the One to whom she
had sought and the music she kept playing but couldn’t hear….slowly began to
speak. Through the darkest of the dark,
He came. It was just the faintest
glimmer, like the hesitant glimmer of the most distant star breaking through
the clouds on the stormiest of nights….but it was there. And she clung to it. All night long. And when daybreak came, she still couldn’t
see that path laying out before her, brightly illuminated so that she could see
days ahead or months ahead or the clearing on the other side. But she saw a stepping stone. Just one.
And it was clearer than clear in which direction she should go to find
her way to the dawn.
She’s still broken and hurting and scared and
isn’t healed yet. She’s still at that
bottom….but she’s no longer lying on it. She’s standing on it. Her legs are shaky and her knees are weak and
her step onto that first stepping stone is tentative….but sure. And she knows what she’s supposed to do…..and
she knows that if she’s had to live what she’s lived, and has to travel this
journey she’s on, you can bet it won’t be wasted. She knows that part of her healing lies in
the telling, the surrender of writing her way through her journey. She’s known for a long time that she is supposed to, she just has been too
afraid to. She keeps stumbling upon
women upon women with similar stories….feeling trapped and hurting, needing
someone to see the pain in their eyes and respond to it….to reach out, speak
to, listen to and identify with their most hurtful of hurts. She knows without a doubt that her pain, her
story, her journey….is not her own, to keep to herself. Others
need to hear it. Others are caught in
that painful, soul-wrenching, imprisoning, joy-stealing, oppressive, stagnant
fog and are desperately trying to find their way out. They need to know they’re not alone. They need to know they’re not crazy and need
help finding their way out.
She’s still afraid to write it. She’s afraid to click that “publish” button
that will mark the beginning. It’s hard….and
it’s going to hurt. But she’s already
hurt more than anyone ever should and knows that in this hurt, this surrender
to doing something so hard but knows she’s called to do…lies a step to that
healing she’s desperate for. It leads to
another stepping stone and to that clearing along the path that she can’t see.
Not yet, anyway. But
she believes it’s there, she KNOWS it is…..beyond her vision, but not beyond
His. Her vision is dark….but His.....HIS vision leads out of the darkness and into the dawn.
I haven't been able to write for months. I come here, I browse blogs, I browse my own and contemplate writing something. I click on "new post" and stare at a blank page, then log off. I grab a pen and notebook and stare at another blank page, praying that the words would come, that I could somehow express what's going on within, then close it and put it back on the shelf.
People want me to talk about things that I can't talk about, or don't want to talk about, things that it hurts to talk about, and they don't understand that I wish I could find the words, but I can't get them out past the lump in m throat, past the pain in my chest, past the aching tension and tightness that extends throughout my core. I wish I could talk, wish I could write, wish and hope and pray for some outlet for the things that even I don't understand, don't want to think about, and don't know what to do with. I've never been in a place quite like this before.
I've always had a song to sing, but I can't find my joy. I can't seem to find a way to connect the words to my heart the way they always just have naturally. I force it when I have to, when I'm obligated to, but I don't want to have to force it. What do I do when the words won't come, when I can't find my song......when I don't know what to do?
Sometimes, He'll send me one....He'll call to me in a song, when I think He's forgotten, when I think no one understands, when I feel so very alone..... and the words hit that place just where I am. It's not even the first time I've heard it, but it's the first time I've really heard it. I heard the story behind the song, and it caused my ears and heart to tune in. And as tears fall and nothing has changed, and I'm still in that very same place that I was before, He says to me, softly and quietly, whispering words of comfort to a tired and confused and weary heart, "You're not the only one who's been in this place.....and you're not so alone".
And in the hours of the night spent when sleep won't come, and in the moments of both the day & night when I feel so overwhelmed & incapable & unsure of everything........like so many times before, I've got a song that becomes my prayer.
