I Need You Now

I haven't been able to write for months. I come here, I browse blogs, I browse my own and contemplate writing something. I click on "new post" and stare at a blank page, then log off. I grab a pen and notebook and stare at another blank page, praying that the words would come, that I could somehow express what's going on within,  then close it and put it back on the shelf.

People want me to talk about things that I can't talk about, or don't want to talk about, things that it hurts to talk about, and they don't understand that I wish I could find the words, but I can't get them out past the lump in m throat, past the pain in my chest, past the aching tension and tightness that extends throughout my core.  I wish I could talk, wish I could write, wish and hope and pray for some outlet for the things that even I don't understand, don't want to think about, and don't know what to do with.  I've never been in a place quite like this before.

I've always had a song to sing, but I can't find my joy.  I can't seem to find a way to connect the words to my heart the way they always just have naturally.  I force it when I have to, when I'm obligated to, but I don't want to have to force it.  What do I do when the words won't come, when I can't find my song......when I don't know what to do?

Sometimes, He'll send me one....He'll call to me in a song, when I think He's forgotten, when I think no one understands, when I feel so very alone..... and the words hit that place just where I am.  It's not even the first time I've heard it, but it's the first time I've really heard it.  I heard the story behind the song, and it caused my ears and heart to tune in.  And as tears fall and nothing has changed, and I'm still in that very same place that I was before, He says to me, softly and quietly, whispering words of comfort to a tired and confused and weary heart, "You're not the only one who's been in this place.....and you're not so alone".

And in the hours of the night spent when sleep won't come, and in the moments of both the day & night when I feel so overwhelmed & incapable & unsure of everything........like so many times before, I've got a song that becomes my prayer.

I Need You Now 

 Well, everybody's got a story to tell 

 And everybody's got a wound to be healed 

 I want to believe there's beauty here 

 So, I get so tired of holding on 

 I can't let go, I can't move on 

 I want to believe there's meaning here 

 Chorus: 

 How many times have you heard me cry out 

 "God please take this"? 

 How many times have you given me strength to 

 Just keep breathing? 

 Oh I need you 

 God, I need you now 

 Standing on a road I didn't plan 

 Wondering how I got to where I am 

 I'm trying to hear that still small voice 

 I'm trying to hear above the noise 

 Chorus:

 How many times have you heard me cry out 

 "God please take this"? 

 How many times have you given me strength to 

 Just keep breathing? 

 Oh I need you 

God, I need you now 

 Though I walk, though I walk through the shadows 

 And I, I am so afraid 

 Please stay, please stay right beside me 

 With every single step I take 

 How many times have you heard me cry out? 

 And how many times have you given me strength? 

Chorus:

 How many times have you heard me cry out 

 "God please take this"? 

 How many times have you given me strength to 

 Just keep breathing? 

 Oh I need you 

God, I need you now

 I need you now 

 I need you now

As Long As It Takes

Because it's exactly where I am, in so many different ways.....and when I can't find the words, I can usually find a song....




 ♪♫ I'm tired, do I have to keep proving myself
I'm weary and drawing from an empty well
I need You more than I ever have
So, Jesus, come and shatter my darkness somehow

I won't speak until You speak
I won't move until You move me
I won't sing, sing over me
I will wait as long as it takes

I'm restless for something significant
But I'm helpless cause I've done all
I can I want You more than I ever have
So, Jesus, come and hold me, I'm shaking right now

I won't speak until You speak
I won't move until You move me
I won't sing, sing over me
I will wait as long as it takes

You are the Comforter so comfort me
You're the Sustainer so be enough for me
You are my Father and Your love for me
Is where I find my rest

 I won't speak until You speak
I won't move until You move me
I won't sing, sing over me
I will wait as long as it takes ♫♪



Signs, Miracles & Wonders

And Here It Begins.....

I don't know how to do this.  And I don't know why I'm writing about it.  Or, maybe I do.  Maybe it's because I can't form the words, can't speak them because they're blocked by the lump in my throat and the pain in my soul.

I just know my heart is breaking and it's hard to breathe.  The tears keep coming, debilitating grief coming in waves, one right after the other until I feel as though I'm going to drown in it.  It subsides for a while and then hits again with a thought, a memory, a song, a smell, a photo......

It's been after me for months.  Coming at me in dreams or at random moments in my days.  Pain that cuts so deeply, it takes my breath away and cuts straight to my core.  Moments where I'm instantly taken back to a moment in time when a child's heart was bruised forever,  moments of anger and fear and instability......memories of times that I thought I had long ago gotten over come unexpectedly and throw me off-balance for days at a time.

And then, just as suddenly, I'm ok again.....for the most part.  I can smile and laugh and be more of the person people are used to me being.  I can go about my days, ignoring the uneasy restlessness that steals the peace in my soul and just won't quite go away.  Until the dreams come back, sometimes moments from long ago relived........sometimes nightmares so real that I wake up shaking, out of breath, my heart beating wildly and my body literally dripping in sweat.  I'm always running from something, frantically trying to escape.....and I just want them to stop.  I beg for them to stop, the pain and the memories, the sleepless nights and the nights of less than peaceful sleep.......but they keep coming back.

It's been escalating since December, coming and going in those unexpected waves.  But I've always been strong, always been able to handle it in the past......"the past is the past & it's time to move on" has worked quite well for me over the years.  Package all those memories up, seal them, and place them out of the way where they belong.......but it seems the box is eroding and can't hold them in and I don't know what to do.

I want to do something about it.  Stay busy.  Get my mind off myself and serve others.  Pray harder.  Spend more time in the Word.  Give it to Him over and over and over again.


But it won't go away.


Take it from me, Lord.  Please.  I don't want it.


And yet, it's here.  I thought there was something wrong with me.  A lack of faith.  A lack of thankfulness from all that He's saved me from.  Something in my life causing Him not to hear my prayers.

I confided in a friend months ago and she suggested that perhaps I'd never really dealt with it, I just keep pushing it down, out of the way, pretending it's not there.  I've never really been healed.  I wasn't sure I wanted to be if it meant struggling with these memories, this very real pain, one more moment.  I pushed it aside, pushed through the ups and downs of the unexpected waves, waiting for the Lord to take this cup from me and  dealt with it the best I know how.  Working out like crazy works quite well for me as an outlet and a way of coping, a way of ignoring this thing that chases me so doggedly.  I was doing good for a while.....until he used my inability to accept my limitations, resulting in an injured ankle, to remove my escape route and it all came rushing back and the cycle started again.

Why?
Why won't you take this from me when I'm trying so hard to live for You, to glorify You, to praise You for all You have done for me?


And then, Monday I visited Faith Barista. and her latest two posts left me stunned.  I sat at my laptop and chills ran over my body, tears ran down my face, as I found someone else in the exact same place I've been. I read the posts over and over again, the Lord literally speaking through her words, her story, and I knew I couldn't push it away anymore.  It's time for me to stop running, to let myself feel the pain & feel the hurt for as long as it takes......it's time to let Him do what He needs to do to bring me out of this storm and allow the healing to begin.

I didn't know how quickly the next storm was going to hit.  I didn't know how fierce it was going to be.

Tuesday, my Granny was taken to the hospital and I knew.  I've known all along, in the back of mind, in the places I try to ignore, that these memories, this onslaught of reliving painful wounds, was part of getting me ready to lose her.  And I've known that losing her would tear me apart in so many ways and viciously rip the scabs off those wounds that never healed.

The doctors recommended she be moved  to a hospice facility yesterday, and today she is there, rapidly deteriorating.  I can't stop crying.  My eyes are puffy and swollen  Everything in me hurts.  I can't sleep.  I can't eat.  My head is throbbing constantly, so badly that it seems is might explode.  I feel like I'm being torn apart from the inside out.

It's time for her to go, but......

I can't do this.


No words could express what she means to me.  She was the good part.  She was the one who gave me love, unconditional love.  Her home was a safe place, a place to find stability, a place to feel loved.  A haven from explosions of  anger and screaming, fighting and things being thrown, harsh words being thrown around like toy balls with no thought of the harm being done, a place to find rest from my out-of -control world.  She gave the happy memories.  God loved me though her until I found my way to Him.

I can't do this.


But there's no stopping it.

And so, here I am.  Hurting and scared to death.  Scared of saying goodbye.  Scared of letting go.  Scared of what's going to come at me after my mind makes its way through the good memories surrounding her.

And here it begins.

Ready or not.  And I'm so completely not.

Draw Me Nearer, Lord

So, here I am.  After a very long blogging sabbatical. ; )  I've been here many times over the past few months  as I've tried desperately to find balance in this crazy, frenetic, stressful, busy, overwhelming.....and abundantly blessed life I've been given.  As much as I've tried to walk away & leave my bloggy world, I find that I keep missing this outlet of mine.....this outlet of expression through the art of written words that is very much a part of who I am.   I've got four posts sitting in draft and as I peruse my lists of blogs that I follow and stalk ; ) on this ease-into-the-day Saturday morning while I listen to my favorite songs on YouTube, I keep hitting "replay" on one in particular.

And it just so happens to be.....

at Signs, Miracles and Wonders.

It just seems fitting to make my return to one of my outlets with a song.  As I've searched and attempted to find balance in so many ways, the Lord never fails to speak to me loudest through music.  As the multitude of obligations & stresses that find my way into my life shout and tug and pull at me daily, He is constantly pursuing me, encouraging me, calling me to Him, reminding me of His promises and never-failing love through  His Word put to music.  Who am I to deserve a love like that.......faithful, true, steadfast and unwavering even when I am not always so?  I am constantly humbled.....and ever thankful to the point of being speechless.

And so, this morning, and during this summer in which I've determined to take time to breathe deeply, rest fully, laugh & play as often as possible, and to find my footing on this ever-shifting sand, I offer this song back to Him........because I am thankful, and because I know that the closer I am, the more I draw nearer to Him ~ there is where I will find the gift of peace for my soul that is just waiting for me to take the time to experience it.


And, as a side note, I hope when I get to Heaven, I can sing like Meredith Andrews.....until then, I'll just belt it out with her & pretend that I do! ; )

♪♫For your nearness, Lord, I hunger
For your nearness, Lord, I wait
Hold me ever closer, Father
Such a love I cant escape

For your nearness, I am hoping
For your nearness, Lord, I long
Have no need of any other
I have found where I belong
Yes, I have found where I belong

So draw me nearer, Lord
Never let me go
Closer to your heart
Draw me nearer, Lord
Draw me nearer, Lord

In your nearness, there is healing
What was broken,, now made whole
Restoration in its fullness
Lasting hope for all who come

In your nearness, I take shelter
Where you are is where I'm home
I have need of only one thing
To be here before your throne
To be here before you throne

So draw me nearer, Lord
Never let me go
Closer to your heart
Draw me nearer, Lord

So draw me nearer, Lord
Never let me go
Closer to your heart
Draw me nearer, Lord
Draw me nearer, Lord

And keep me here, keep me here
There's nowhere else I rather be
So keep me here, keep me here
There's nowhere else I rather be
There's nowhere else I rather be

So draw me nearer, Lord
Never let me go
Closer to your heart
Draw me nearer, Lord
Draw me nearer, Lord
Draw me nearer, my Lord ♫♪

"Stronger" by Mandisa

Is your soul singing today?  Do you have a song in your heart?  If not, stop and visit the "Then Sings My Soul Saturday" link-up at Signs, Miracles & Wonders.  By the time you listen to all the songs linked up, perhaps you will find yourself feeling refreshed & encouraged, and maybe even singing a few yourself.  I think our lives are always a little easier when our hearts are open to hearing the song He has for us! ♥

This song never fails to encourage me.....and to wake up the fighter within me when I'm feeling frustrated, exasperated, etc.. I've never heard a song by Mandisa that isn't full of Truth!  If you can't relate to this one, then you must not live in the same world I do.... ; )

"Stronger" by Mandisa

♫♪ Hey, heard you were up all night

Thinking about how your world ain't right

And you wonder if things will ever get better

And you're asking why is it always raining on you

When all you want is just a little good news

Instead of standing there stuck out in the weather

Oh, don't hang your head

It's gonna end

God's right there

Even if it's hard to see Him

I promise you that He still cares

When the waves are taking you under

Hold on just a little bit longer

He knows that this is gonna make you stronger, stronger

The pain ain't gonna last forever

And things can only get better

Believe me

This is gonna make you stronger

Gonna make you stronger, stronger, stronger

Believe me, this is gonna make you ...

Try and do the best you can

Hold on and let Him hold your hand

And go on and fall into the arms of Jesus

Oh, lift your head it's gonna end

God's right there

Even when you just can't feel Him

I promise you that He still cares

'Cause if He started this work in your life

He will be faithful to complete it

If only you believe it

He knows how much it hurts

And I'm sure that He's gonna help you get through this

When the waves are taking you under

Hold on just a little bit longer

He knows that this is gonna make you stronger, stronger

The pain ain't gonna last forever

In time it's gonna get better

Believe me

This is gonna make you stronger ♪♫

"Every Time I Breathe" ~ Big Daddy Weave

Have you ever experienced this ~  you sometimes hear a song over and over as you frenetically make your way through life, but never really HEAR the words on a deeper level?  As a person who is most often drawn to the words of a song & the depth of the message it carries, it always surprises me when I finally really HEAR a song that I've listened to, and even sung along to, countless times.

Last Friday night, our family went to the last Jacksonville Suns game of the season.  It was Family Faith night, and after the game, we were treated to fireworks and a concert by Big Daddy Weave.   My husband got off work late and we briefly considered changing our plans, but decided to go anyway.....because, after all, we're talking fireworks & a free concert!!  We arrived after the 4th inning, which worked out quite well for me...... I only had to sit through five innings ; ) , we ended up paying no parking fee, and we paid a discounted entrance fee ~ $12 for all five of us. =)  The five innings was enough for the kids and myself, and we still got to see the concert at the end.

The most valuable part of my night ~~  hearing and singing the words of this song for the first time with not just my ears, but with my heart as well ~  and then turning to see my 11 yr. old son singing them, too.....eyes closed and face lifted heavenward, every part of him worshipping with sincere praise to his Savior. ♥

I pray he never loses that love he has now and I pray, that as the song says, I will live the love I have for the Lord every day of my life.....as a gift of devotion and thankfulness to for His Grace and Mercy......and as an example to the ones He has entrusted to my care.

"Every Time I Breathe" by Big Daddy Weave

I am sure all of heaven’s heard me cry
As I tell You all the reasons why this life is just too hard
But day by day, without fail I’m finding everything I need
In everything that You are to me

(Chorus)
Every time I breathe You seem a little bit closer
I never wanna leave I wanna stay in Your warm embrace
Oh basking in the glory shining from Your face and
Every time I get another glimpse of Your heart
I realize it’s true, that You are so marvelous God
And I am so in love with You
Yeah, so in love with You

Now how could I, after knowing one so great
Respond to You in any way that’s less than all I have to give
But by Your grace, I wanna love You not with what I say but everyday
In the way that my life is lived

(Chorus)

Wrapped in Your mercy I wanna live and never leave
I am held by how humble, yet overwhelmed by Your majesty
Captured by grace now I’m finding I am free
You are marvelous God and knowing You is everything

(Chorus)

Thankful that He Says....."You Are More" ~ Tenth Avenue North

.....and that my identity is in Him ~~ because He makes me new.  Every Day.  ♥

"Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new."

~2 Corinthians 5:17

There's a girl in the corner 
With tear stains on her eyes 
From the places she's wandered 
And the shame she can't hide 

She says, "How did I get here? 
I'm not who I once was. 
And I'm crippled by the fear 
That I've fallen too far to love" 

But don't you know who you are, 
What's been done for you? 
Yeah don't you know who you are? 

You are more than the choices that you've made, 
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes, 
You are more than the problems you create, 
You've been remade. 

Well she tries to believe it 
That she's been given new life 
But she can't shake the feeling 
That it's not true tonight 

She knows all the answers 
And she's rehearsed all the lines 
And so she'll try to do better 
But then she's too weak to try 


But don't you know who you are? 

You are more than the choices that you've made, 
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes, 
You are more than the problems you create, 

You've been remade. 

You are more than the choices that you've made, 
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes, 
You are more than the problems you create, 
You've been remade. 

'Cause this is not about what you've done, 
But what's been done for you. 
This is not about where you've been, 
But where your brokenness brings you to 

This is not about what you feel, 
But what He felt to forgive you, 
And what He felt to make you loved. 

You are more than the choices that you've made, 
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes, 
You are more than the problems you create, 
You've been remade. 

One of the Sweetest Voices In My World....

....and the fact that I'm the mother of the soloist does not influence my opinion AT ALL! ; )

This week, my youngest ♥sweet♥ boy sang his first solo at church.  I was just a little bit proud.  He has asked that if I post this, I inform the world that his mom filmed the soundcheck, and that the "real thing" was much better.  I personally think he did a wonderful job in both!!

Wednesday night dinner in the dining room before church.....isn't he adorable....frozen-looking "Mom wants to take my picture" smile and all?!

3rd Grade Choir.....

May he always desire to use his talents for the Glory of God, may his heart always long to sing to the One who "gave up His life so that he could live"......and may he "never forget what Jesus did"!

(mute the auto music player at the bottom of the page to hear this very ♥sweet♥ song!)

"Healing is in Your Hands" ~ Then Sings My Soul Saturday

The ensemble I am blessed to sing in is currently working on this song.  It's stuck in my head, so I thought I'd join in with Signs, Miracles and Wonders and share it with you....so it can be stuck in your head, too! You're welcome.  ; ) 

What greater peace and encouragement could we ask for.....to know that nothing can keep us from His love?  It is steadfast; it is strong.  In Him, we are victorious ~ more than conquerors, no matter how things seem and no matter how we feel.....a Truth I need to be reminded of this week.  Covered by His blood, we find the strength to keep on keeping on ~ even on the days when we feel weary, dreary and beaten......or just plain exhausted and when it seems we have nothing left to give.

Healing Is In Your Hands

♫ No mountain, no valley, no gain or loss we know

could keep us from Your love

No sickness, no secret, no chain is strong enough

to keep us from Your love

to keep us from Your love

How high, how wide

No matter where I am, healing is in Your hands

How deep, How strong,

And now by Your grace I stand, healing is in Your hands

Our present, our future, our past is in Your hands

We're covered by Your blood

We're covered by Your blood

How high, How wide

no matter where I am, healing is in Your hands

How deep, How strong

And now by Your grace I stand, healing is in Your hands

In all things, we know that.

We are more than conquerors.

You keep us by your love.

You keep us by your love. ♫

{mute the auto player at the bottom of the page to hear the video}

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

"Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us."

Romans 8:37 NKJV

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

"For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Romans 8:38-39 NKJV

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

"...that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height—to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. "

Ephesians 3:17-19 NKJV

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥



4,5, & 6......Lies Women Believe.....

Continuing my journey through Lies Women Believe and The Truth That Sets Them Free.....(If you're just joining in and are interested ~ you can find earlier posts on this book by clicking on the tag "Lies Women Believe" at the bottom of this one.)

Lie #4:  God Is Really Not Enough

Do we really believe that He is?  When we walk out of the church building and back into our lives and all the crazy, difficult, discouraging things that come our way ~ do we believe His Word is sufficient to deal with them? 

Do we really turn to Him and trust that His Word is applicable for all our issues, needs, relationships and situations?  Or, do we need Him in addition to  the books from the Christian bookstore, CDs, counselors, close friends, children, husbands, etc?

If you have a relationship with God, is that really enough?  None of the things listed above are bad things.....they are blessings given to us by Him.  But, do we look to these and other things and people to fill the empty places of our hearts?

HE is the one we need to fill those empty places.  When we truly believe and live as though He really is enough, when our hope is built only in Him, we can then enjoy all those blessings to the fullest extent ~ and when they aren't there, or people disappoint us, hurt us, etc.....our world may be shaken, but it won't fall apart.

Lie #5:  God's Ways Are Too Restrictive

I have to admit ~ this is a non-issue with me.  I can't help it and can't take credit for it ~ it's just who I am.    I've never had a problem living within God's laws, but my natural personality is not a rebellious one. 

If yours is, do you find living within His laws unreasonable, burdensome, or unfair?  Scripture teaches repeatedly that God's laws are for our good and protection.  I'm not talking about legalism within the church, but the laws found in His Holy Word.  The problem with asserting our freedoms to choose not to do things God's way is that it leads to things we are not free to choose ~ the consequences and bondage that we find ourselves in.

The Truth is that TRUE freedom comes from obedience.  His restrictions are always for our good.

Lie #6:  God  Should Fix My Problems

This is one I am sometimes susceptible to, but Satan like to us it in a more subtle way with me.  I don't really think that He's my genie-in-a-bottle just waiting to wait on me every time I call, but sometimes when I've prayed and prayed and prayed, and my prayer is for a REALLY good thing ~ even something that I could and want to us for His glory ~ and I haven't gotten my solution or the answer I want yet, I'll hear the lies that leads to disillusionment and disappointment.....that He didn't come through for me, doesn't hear my prayers, or even that  He doesn't love me.

Yes, I hear the lie, but thankfully, I know the TRUTH.  Life is hard.  I know that better than some people may realize.  It's been hard in the past, it's hard right now, and it will be hard in the future.  We live in a fallen world, but I know that God isn't removed or detached from my problems.  I also know that His goal for my life is not for me to be free from all of my problems....it's through going through the hard times, the trials, the days when all I can do is put one foot in front of the other, and working through the problems that He molds me, shapes me, and continues the process of making me who He wants me to be.  He uses my problems as part of His sanctifying process in my life.......and I believe His Word in Romans 8:28 ~ "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to [his] purpose."  I have seen how He has used circumstances that broke me as a child, and difficulties and problems I've worked through as an adult, to shape who I am today.  I've been in places where I couldn't understand WHY at the time, but am now so very thankful that He knew better than I.   Some of my life's biggest blessings would not be mine had I gotten what I thought I wanted at the time. 

I trust Him completely (more than I trust myself).

You can, too.

(mute the auto music player at the bottom of the page to hear the music video)

Jesus Loves Me, This I Know.......

.......or, do I?  Do you?  I'm willing to bet my bottom dollar, your immediate reply would be, "Yes!!  Of course!".  That's my immediate reply, too.  We know it.  The Bible tells us so.  But do I ~ do you ~ BELIEVE it.......in the deep recesses of our being, the part where doubts and insecurities lurk, in the place no one else sees? 

Lie #2 from Nancy DeMoss's book Lies Women Believe and the Truth That Sets Them Free:

"God Doesn't Love Me".

Like Lie # 1, few of us would rarely admit that we believe this.  We KNOW he loves us.  We've been saved by the blood of the Lamb!  God sent Himself  to Earth in the form of man to die for our sins!  Why?  Because He loves us.  We KNOW it.

But.....do we believe that he loves us?  Do we believe that He cares about the minute details of our lives....and loves us in the intimate and personal way we long for? 

When you look around and see things falling apart, prayers seem not only unanswered but unheard, and you feel as if something doesn't give you're going to drown in all the lemonade (when life you gives you lemons.....) and tears come more often than laughter, how do you honestly answer that question?

Does the Deceiver lure you in with his lie?  "God doesn't hear your prayers.....look at how long you've been praying and what you're praying for is a good thing", he may whisper.  "If God really loved you, why wouldn't He give this to you?"  When the storms of life wear you thin, do you ever find yourself thinking, "If God really loved me....it wouldn't be this hard.  He just doesn't care."  When you feel unloved by everyone, do you doubt the love of God as well?

The Enemy loves to attack everyone in particular areas, most often in an area that can also be a great asset.  He often targets us through our feelings.  Our feelings can make us love deeply, give us compassion and mercy for others and serve as a catalyst for much good that we do.  I think they can also, however, be one of Satan's greatest tools of deception for us.  We have a tendency to throw caution to the wind, trust what we feel to be true and toss what we know to be true out the window.  This is a recurring point throughout the book because it is completely fundamental to the way we as women are designed and learning to get it under control is crucial to overcoming and resisting the lies that come at us constantly.

So, what about me?  As I look back on the progression from deception to bondage.....

• Listen to a lie
• Dwell on the lie
• Believe the lie
• Act on the lie

......is this an issue for me?

Sigh.

Unfortunately, Yes.

I *KNOW* He loves me.  But as I said in an earlier post, he knows where we're weak.  He knows where our insecurities lie and that's what he aims for.  I suspect my insecurity in this area is tied to by a lie that comes later in the book (I'm one of those people that always looks ahead......and often finds out the ending before she's made her way through the first half of the book).  Often, there's a place somewhere in our lives where fears and insecurities take root and grow.......stretching our their greedy tentacles to affect other areas as well.  Satan whispers this lie to me often in some form or another.  He is sometimes unrelenting with this one. 

Do I listen to it?  Sometimes. 

If I listen to it, do I dwell on it?  Sometimes, depending on how discouraged I am. 

Do I believe it?  No. 

I haven't always been able to give that answer and it is with no pride that I give it now.  I have been blessed to have traveled this road before ~ the road of exposing Satan's lies.  The value of having an unwavering faith, attending a solid Bible-believing church, of being surrounded by Bible-believing friends, and of being exposed to other solid Biblically grounded resources is immeasurable.  God has used so many things, including homeschooling, to play a significant role in shaping me, strengthening me, and opening my eyes to Satan's lies and my heart to the Father's truths.  I'll share further as I make my way through this book ~ ways He has taught me to recognize the lies and cast His light and love over the places where the Deceiver worms his way into my life, seeking to cause me to stumble, to falter, to render me ineffective in the body of Christ.

When I feel He doesn't love me ~ sometimes I do listen.  Sometimes I do still entertain the notion and dwell there........but even as I wallow, there's a part of me that constantly calls, soothingly sings to me, gently whispers ~ waiting for me to Stop, Look, and Listen.  The Holy Spirit lives within me, because as a 14 yr.-old girl I came to Him with a broken heart and surrendered every part of myself.  His love is always there....and He doesn't allow me to stay disillusioned for long.

If we allow Him to grow us, allow His Truths to take root and release us from the bondage Satan is determine to keep us in, we learn to Stop letting our feelings control us, Look for the ways that He loves us ~ His love is abundant and plentiful and surrounding us (He shows me His love in blue eyes - 3 sets of them -that adore me despite my faults, in a pantry and fridge full of food despite strained finances, in a warmth on a cold winter's day, in a song played just for me at just the right time......) and Listen to what we know to be true and is stronger and louder than whatever noise Satan is making.

Does God really LOVE me?  YES.

Does He really LOVE you?  Yes, He does.

Jesus Loves Me, This I KNOW, for the Bible tells me so.  It's actually that simple.  Believe it......because it's TRUE.  No matter how we feel.

“Though our feelings come and go, God’s love for us does not.” ~ C.S. Lewis

Take the TRUTH of God's word, grab yourself a nice, big glass of lemonade (that you made from all those lemons in life), sit back and relax, and dwell on it.  Stubbornly.  Faithfully.  Keep marching on and rejoice in what you know in spite of allowing your emotions toss you around and batter you as the storms rage on.  His LOVE will come through......and you will feel it, sure and strong, where it was all along ~ His love never fails, never leaves, never forsakes us.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." - John 3:16

"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." - Galatians 2:20

 

"Know therefore that the LORD your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commands." - Deuteronomy 7:9

 

"For the LORD loves the just and will not forsake his faithful ones. . . "- Psalm 37:28

 

"I love those who love me, and those who seek me find me." - Proverbs 8:17

 

"This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another." –

1 John 4:9-11

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

(mute the player at the bottom of the page to watch/listen to this video)

Linking up with Some Girl's Website and  Signs, Miracles and Wonders:

I'd Rather Have Jesus ~ Then Sings My Soul Saturday

I just watched this video of the testimony of Kirk Cameron.......



.....What an awesome testimony from someone who had everything that the world would say gives happiness and fulfillment and found that Christ gives so much more.  It immediately brought to my mind this hymn......

I’d Rather Have Jesus

I’d rather have Jesus than silver or gold;
I’d rather be His than have riches untold;
I’d rather have Jesus than houses or lands,
I’d rather be led by His nail pierced hand.

Than to be a king of a vast domain
Or be held in sin’s dread sway,
I’d rather have Jesus than anything
This world affords today.

I’d rather have Jesus than men’s applause;
I’d rather be faithful to His dear cause;
I’d rather have Jesus than world-wide fame,
I’d rather be true to His holy name.

He’s fairer than lilies of rarest bloom;
He’s sweeter than honey from out of the comb;
He’s all that my hungering spirit needs,
I’d rather have Jesus and let Him lead.

Sharing a beautiful version by Crystal Lewis......

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

 Matthew 16:24-26 .... “Then Jesus said to his disciples, ‘If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?’” I’d rather have Jesus than silver or gold. . .

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Philippians 1:21 .... “For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.” I’d rather have Jesus and let Him lead. . .

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Philippians 3:8 ....“What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ.” I’d rather have Jesus than world-wide fame, I’d rather be true to His holy name. . .

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

For more Then Sings My Soul Saturdays, visit Signs, Miracles and Wonders.  : )

Also hopping with:

"What Love Really Means" by JJ Heller ~ Then Sings My Soul Saturday

I heard this song by JJ Heller on the way home from running an errand last night and although I'm supposed to be resting my voice, I found myself singing along.  I just love her voice.....there's something about it.......sweet & pure, somewhat folksy, honest and earthy.  I love the fact that she's an independent artist and the music she writes is always so uplifting.  I even found her blog while searching for her site.....The Lovely Little Things, which only makes me like her more ~ she's a crafty mama just like me!  ; )


(Mute the auto music player at the bottom of the page to hear the song.)


Who else can love us the way HE can......the very one who created us???

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb"...Psalm 139:13

"I will praise you; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are your works; and that my soul knows right well......"Psalm 139:14

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

What a beautiful and glorious day it will be when we experience the fulfillment of our deepest heart's longing to be with the ONE who made us, who knows us intimately....our every action, every thought....and loves us still ~ with an all-cosuming perfect love that surpasses all others.

"O LORD, you have searched me and you know me.

You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.

You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.

Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD.

You hem me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.".....Psalm 139:1-6

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

 

As I was reading Psalm 139: 1-6, I immediately recalled another song about the initmate way that God knows us.....I can't remember the last time I heard it but I remember every word...."He Knows My Name" written by Tommy Walker....sung in this video by the Maranatha Singers..... 

 

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Until the day when I'll see Him face to face, I will rest secure in His promises for my future and in the peace and knowledge that He knows MY name......and I know HIS.

"Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him;

I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.

 He will call upon me, and I will answer him;

I will be with him in trouble,  I will deliver him and honor him.

 With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation."....Psalm 91: 14-16

For more Then Sings My Soul Saturdays, visit Signs, Miracles and Wonders.  : )