And Here It Begins.....

I don't know how to do this.  And I don't know why I'm writing about it.  Or, maybe I do.  Maybe it's because I can't form the words, can't speak them because they're blocked by the lump in my throat and the pain in my soul.

I just know my heart is breaking and it's hard to breathe.  The tears keep coming, debilitating grief coming in waves, one right after the other until I feel as though I'm going to drown in it.  It subsides for a while and then hits again with a thought, a memory, a song, a smell, a photo......

It's been after me for months.  Coming at me in dreams or at random moments in my days.  Pain that cuts so deeply, it takes my breath away and cuts straight to my core.  Moments where I'm instantly taken back to a moment in time when a child's heart was bruised forever,  moments of anger and fear and instability......memories of times that I thought I had long ago gotten over come unexpectedly and throw me off-balance for days at a time.

And then, just as suddenly, I'm ok again.....for the most part.  I can smile and laugh and be more of the person people are used to me being.  I can go about my days, ignoring the uneasy restlessness that steals the peace in my soul and just won't quite go away.  Until the dreams come back, sometimes moments from long ago relived........sometimes nightmares so real that I wake up shaking, out of breath, my heart beating wildly and my body literally dripping in sweat.  I'm always running from something, frantically trying to escape.....and I just want them to stop.  I beg for them to stop, the pain and the memories, the sleepless nights and the nights of less than peaceful sleep.......but they keep coming back.

It's been escalating since December, coming and going in those unexpected waves.  But I've always been strong, always been able to handle it in the past......"the past is the past & it's time to move on" has worked quite well for me over the years.  Package all those memories up, seal them, and place them out of the way where they belong.......but it seems the box is eroding and can't hold them in and I don't know what to do.

I want to do something about it.  Stay busy.  Get my mind off myself and serve others.  Pray harder.  Spend more time in the Word.  Give it to Him over and over and over again.


But it won't go away.


Take it from me, Lord.  Please.  I don't want it.


And yet, it's here.  I thought there was something wrong with me.  A lack of faith.  A lack of thankfulness from all that He's saved me from.  Something in my life causing Him not to hear my prayers.

I confided in a friend months ago and she suggested that perhaps I'd never really dealt with it, I just keep pushing it down, out of the way, pretending it's not there.  I've never really been healed.  I wasn't sure I wanted to be if it meant struggling with these memories, this very real pain, one more moment.  I pushed it aside, pushed through the ups and downs of the unexpected waves, waiting for the Lord to take this cup from me and  dealt with it the best I know how.  Working out like crazy works quite well for me as an outlet and a way of coping, a way of ignoring this thing that chases me so doggedly.  I was doing good for a while.....until he used my inability to accept my limitations, resulting in an injured ankle, to remove my escape route and it all came rushing back and the cycle started again.

Why?
Why won't you take this from me when I'm trying so hard to live for You, to glorify You, to praise You for all You have done for me?


And then, Monday I visited Faith Barista. and her latest two posts left me stunned.  I sat at my laptop and chills ran over my body, tears ran down my face, as I found someone else in the exact same place I've been. I read the posts over and over again, the Lord literally speaking through her words, her story, and I knew I couldn't push it away anymore.  It's time for me to stop running, to let myself feel the pain & feel the hurt for as long as it takes......it's time to let Him do what He needs to do to bring me out of this storm and allow the healing to begin.

I didn't know how quickly the next storm was going to hit.  I didn't know how fierce it was going to be.

Tuesday, my Granny was taken to the hospital and I knew.  I've known all along, in the back of mind, in the places I try to ignore, that these memories, this onslaught of reliving painful wounds, was part of getting me ready to lose her.  And I've known that losing her would tear me apart in so many ways and viciously rip the scabs off those wounds that never healed.

The doctors recommended she be moved  to a hospice facility yesterday, and today she is there, rapidly deteriorating.  I can't stop crying.  My eyes are puffy and swollen  Everything in me hurts.  I can't sleep.  I can't eat.  My head is throbbing constantly, so badly that it seems is might explode.  I feel like I'm being torn apart from the inside out.

It's time for her to go, but......

I can't do this.


No words could express what she means to me.  She was the good part.  She was the one who gave me love, unconditional love.  Her home was a safe place, a place to find stability, a place to feel loved.  A haven from explosions of  anger and screaming, fighting and things being thrown, harsh words being thrown around like toy balls with no thought of the harm being done, a place to find rest from my out-of -control world.  She gave the happy memories.  God loved me though her until I found my way to Him.

I can't do this.


But there's no stopping it.

And so, here I am.  Hurting and scared to death.  Scared of saying goodbye.  Scared of letting go.  Scared of what's going to come at me after my mind makes its way through the good memories surrounding her.

And here it begins.

Ready or not.  And I'm so completely not.

♪ Oh Soul, Are You Weary and Troubled....♪

Wife-ing.  Mom-ing.  Meal Planning.  Couponing.  Grocery Shopping.  Cooking.  Baking.  Cleaning.  Cleaning.  Cleaning.  Referee-ing.  Teaching.  Studying.  Learning.  Working.  Budgeting.  Paying.  Homeschooling.  Planning.  Field Tripping.  Driving.  Churching.  Taxi-ing.  Churching.  Choir-ing.  Children's, Middle School, and Adult (<--- selfishly).  Serving.  Cooking.  Baking.  Cleaning.  Cleaning.  Cleaning.  Undone household projects.  Waiting.  Waiting.  Waiting  (Grrrrrr). Sewing.  Teaching sewing. Teaching sewing some more.  Bookkeeping. Shopping.  Hair Cutting.  Phone calling.  Emailing.  Networking.  Working.  Sweeping.  Vacuuming.  PET HAIR.  Party planning.  Cleaning.  Cleaning.  Party Attending.  Blogging.  Reading. Working more. Grooming.  Them & myself.  Cooking.  Cleaning.  Sewing.  Sewing.  Sewing.  And more sewing.

"Mom, can you?", "Mom can I?", "Mom, can we?", "Jill, can you?"  "could you?", "would you?".

Sigh.

Ummmmm, Really???

I completely get the idea behind this little catchphrase, but admit I wonder at the person who came up with it. I don't think this person has much in common with me.  ; )  

I also think that this phrase could make some people feel very guilty for being, well.......REAL.  And NORMAL.

Am I blessed?  Without a doubt.

Beyond Measure.

Am I thankful?  Absolutely.

Every day.  

Am I stressed?  Do I sometimes feel so overwhelmed that I can't focus and I think if I don't get a break somewhere, somehow, that the men in white coats will surely come haul me away?

I've instructed my children that if this ever does actually happen, they are required by law to come and visit me.  ; )

I am BLESSED.  In more ways than my tiny little overworked and underpaid ; ) brain can even begin to fathom.  I have the three most incredible children ever created {I know....you think yours are...sorry to burst your bubble ; ) }, I have love, I have awesomely fabulous friends, I have a roof over my head, food to eat, ♥music♥ to sing, ♥homeschooling♥, pets to pet, and work I can do from home using talents that He so graciously gave to me so that I can stay at home.

But to be honest, to be REAL.....with many wonderful blessings come stress.  There are things I do because I want to and things I do because I have to.  I haven't figured out how to let any of those things go at this season of my life, because for the most part.....they are dependent on each other.

And so I strive for balance.  And on those days when I can actually hear the men in white coats coming down the street because balance is nowhere in sight......I realize that in all the busy-ness, in all the chaos of life,  my focus has shifted from the One who gives me the strength to be all He's called me to be in this season to the things He's called me to.

I know I'm not the only one out there juggling so many balls in life right now that they're often tripping all over the ones that have fallen around them.  I know I'm not the only one who gets weary and overwhelmed........and when my eyes are focused on the things, the impossible list of tasks and responsibilities that I cannot fulfill in my own strength, I know that I forgot to give them to the One who gives me the strength in the first place.

Or, more accurately....I did give them to Him, but then I took them back.  Why do I do that?!  Sometimes I wonder why He doesn't stop accepting my apologies and just give up on me....but I'm thankful that He doesn't.

I'm thankful that He never fails to feed my hungry soul in so many ways despite the fact that I don't deserve it. When I seek Him, when I spend time in His Word and in prayer, when I keep the Main Thing the Main Thing,  I find that everything still doesn't get done every day.  The difference is.....I have peace, I have something resembling balance, and I find that all those balls on the floor and the ones still in the air don't seem so overwhelming.

And amazingly enough, He feeds my soul even when I push that time with Him right out of my schedule.  He feeds me with a song I needed to hear at just the right time, with friends who make my day with an unexpected surprise, email or text.  He feeds my soul with hugs and kisses and "You're the best mom ever" (even though I'm not)!  He sends His sustaining love to me in so many ways..............and to you, too.  

You just have to learn to see it. 

In the darkest of the darkest days, in the moments when there seems to be no end and you just have nothing left to give (you've been there, I know you have), turn to Him.  He's been there the whole time.  Lovingly waiting to give your soul what it so desperately needs, and for you to give back to Him whatever it is you keep taking out of His hands.

And unlike us, He can handle it......and begin to show us that we are, in the midst of this crazy, chaotic, stressful  life......

BLESSED.  Abundantly and indescribably so.

Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus

♪ Oh soul are you weary and troubled?

No light in the darkness you see?

There's light for a look at the Saviour,

And life more abundant and free.

Refrain

Turn your eyes upon Jesus, 

Look full in His wonderful face,

And the things of earth will grow strangely dim, 

In the light of His Glory and Grace.

Through death into life everlasting

He passed, and we follow Him there;

Over us sin no more hath dominion -

For more than conquerors we are!

Refrain

Turn your eyes upon Jesus, 

Look full in His wonderful face, 

And the things of earth will grow strangely dim, 

In the light of His Glory and Grace.

His Word shall not fail you - He promised;

Believe Him, and all will be well;

Then go to a world that is dying,

His perfect salvation to tell.

Refrain

Turn your eyes upon Jesus, 

Look full in His wonderful face, 

And the things of earth will grow strangely dim, 

In the light of His Glory and Grace. ♪

Isaiah 40:28-31

New King James Version (NKJV)

²⁸ Have you not known? Have you not heard? The everlasting God, the LORD,       The Creator of the ends of the earth,  Neither faints nor is weary.  His understanding is unsearchable. ²⁹ He gives power to the weak, And to those who have no might He increases strength. ³⁰ Even the youths shall faint and be weary, And the young men shall utterly fall, ³¹ But those who wait on the LORD Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles,       They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint.
















This One's Personal.....

Last week, I posted a new Sweet Diva music tote (and am not linking to it because that's not really what this post is about) and showed several other embroidery options.  I mentioned that I really liked them all and that it was hard to choose which one I would do first.  While there is some truth to that (I did mull over it for several minutes), it actually wasn't that hard.  The one I chose was this:

Have you ever taken a Spiritual Gifts test?  

"Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, let us prophesy in proportion to our faith; ⁷ or ministry, let us use it in ourministering; he who teaches, in teaching; ⁸ he who exhorts, in exhortation; he who gives, with liberality; he who leads, with diligence; he who shows mercy, with cheerfulness."

Romans 12: 6-8

We all have them, and if you don't know what yours is, I highly encourage you to do some exploration and find out!  

Mine is Mercy.  I have often joked that it sometimes feels like a curse {not really....I am thankful for who I am and how I am.....and how He will be faithful to continually shape and mold me when my heart is willing}.

Spiritual Gift of Mercy Defined

The gift of mercy is the capacity to feel and express unusual compassion and sympathy for those in difficult or crisis situations and provide them with the necessary help and support to see them through tough times.

People with the Gift of Mercy

They have the ability to "walk in another's shoes" and to feel the pain and burdens they carry. They desire to make a difference in the lives of hurting people without being judgmental. They may have a difficult time evaluating the intentions of others and at times appear naïve.

Mercy in Scripture

Jesus taught on mercy (Matt. 5:7; 9:13; 23:23). He is repeatedly described as having compassion (Matt. 9:36; 15:32; 23:37; Luke 7:13) and was so filled with mercy that He sometimes wept (John 11:35). Jesus' mercy included an attentiveness to and concern for children (Matt. 19:14). Dorcas "was always doing good and helping the poor" (Acts 9:36). Also, the good Samaritan is one of the most classic stories ever told on the subject of mercy (Luke 10:30-37).

Do You Have This Gift?

• Do you find yourself being drawn to people who are needy, hurting, sick, disabled, or elderly?
• Do you often think of ways to minister to those who are suffering?
• Do you sense a great deal of compassion for people having personal and emotional problems?
• Do you find that when you visit those who are suffering it brings you joy rather than depressing you?
• Do you find yourself responding to people more out of compassion than judgment?

~borrowed from The Resurgence, because they describe it perfectly!

This gift of Mercy has me in it's grip right now, as I participate in the 40 Days for Life Campaign.  My heart literally aches, my soul hurts......and not just for the smallest lives that are at the mercy of choices made by others, but for the girls, the women, that are making choices that will place a burden on their own souls for the rest of their lives.

I know this is true, and although I know that I would care passionately about this issue anyway, I know that it grips me with a vice-like hold because it's not just an "issue" for me.....it's personal.

Someone that was once close to me made this choice long ago, or perhaps the choice was not really hers.  I was young, and although it's not talked about, I remember.  Because I was young, I think some think I have forgotten.

I have not forgotten, and I have watched from afar as this person that I love dearly has run from God, blamed God, and hurt daily.  Hurt from and for many things I am sure, but I know that this has to be one thing that has never let her go......and I literally ache for her.

As I stood last Friday watching girls walk into a clinic about to make that same choice, I could picture that someone and wanted to stop them, wanted to help them.....wanted to do something.  I wanted to whisk them away to another local clinic, one that could offer the support and help they really need, and find the One that they need the most.

And so I pray.  And I fast.  For 40 Days.  And as my heart aches, it aches for her.  The one that's close to me.  The one I love.  I pray for her, I ache for her.....I cry for her.  I cry and beg the Lord to reach her.......to show her that His Mercy forgives all, that His blood covers all, that His love heals all.

I beg Him to show her that He cares.  And forgives.  And that there's nothing that we can do that is beyond His realm of healing.

 I pray for her to experience this Truth.  This Truth that drowns out all of Satan's lies.  This Truth, this Gift that can reunite her with that precious life one day, if she will only take it.

And if the one I love, I hurt for,  I pray for, and can't stop thinking of  happens to read this...... I want you to know that His Healing is available to you.  I beg you to let go of all that hurts you from the past and take it.

The ensemble I serve in sang this song this past Sunday.  I sang it for you.  There is nothing that can keep you from His love, if you will only receive it and seek His song of Salvation......there is little that would bring me more joy than to see you stand by His Grace.

 "Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. ³⁸ For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, ³⁹ nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

~ Romans 8:37-38



40 Days for Life

Sept. 28 - Nov. 6

"If My people who are called by My name will humble themselves, and pray and seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land." 

~ 2 Chronicles 7:14

I've been trying to slowly get back on schedule with my blog posts (really, I have!) for several weeks, and get back on schedule with two of my favorite link-ups at Mom's Mustard Seeds and Faith Barista.  The fall-out of being involved in so many activities, taking trips right before our school year began, school actually beginning, trying to put ideas for Sweet Diva (blog, store, classes) into action and schedule new sewing classes among scheduling my own children's extra-curricular activities has made my brain feel like the ball being thrown furiously about in a pinball machine!

I heard about the 40 Days for Life organization a while back and have been wanting to participate in the next campaign since.  I almost missed it, but thankfully, through a friend's Facebook post, I didn't. =)

There are few issues that I feel as passionately about than abortion and the sanctity of human life.  So passionately, in fact, that I find it hard to discuss or debate about in person because my emotions get the better of me and I end up sounding like a bumbling idiot! ; ) I think I might sound like a bumbling idiot more often than just on passionate issues =), but there's something about writing that allows me to express myself in the way I intend....and find that it has become an outlet that helps the quiet, shy side of myself ~ who is often intimidated at putting myself in the spotlight ~ find my voice.

Today, I begin participating in a commitment to prayer and fasting ~ taking action for those who cannot defend themselves, taking action Biblically and peacefully to make a difference in the fight for LIFE.  What better issue to bring me out of my fog and get my blog back on track?

I have always been passionate about this fight, but once God took me from a young woman who wasn't sure she would have children (fear and insecurity over my abilities be a good mother) to a calling that has so blessed and consumed my heart and soul, the fight became even more personal.  I love being a Mom, I love children......and what our society & culture is doing breaks my heart.

As I begin this 40 day journey, I am prepared for a closer walk with my Lord and call on His name for change and protection for His weakest, most fragile little ones that are at the mercy of those whose actions can take their precious lives.  It's not too late to join me, even if you're reading this after the official journey has begun......jump in when you can.  The sincere efforts and prayers of God's people are not limited to our program dates and times and will not return void.  

Let me know if you do join our vigil.  I'd love to encourage you!



Radical Faith - Luke 9:23

"Then He said to them all, "If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me. "

~ Luke 9:23

As you read this, I am counseling (and having lots of fun) with our Middle Schoolers from my church at our annual summer camp.  This "Radical Faith" event is why you may have noticed less activity (posting) here at Sweet Diva the past two weeks as I've been preparing for my cabin of 12 girls!!

Praying for those sweet girls as well as all the others who will attend, the counselors and all others involved.....but especially for the girl who may attend with more brokenness and hurt inside than her friends would ever guess.  Praying that she will hear His call to her and accept the salvation He offers.....that she will open her heart to Him, let His love be a salve to her wounds, and let the Master Potter mold and shape her into a Masterpiece of His making,  displaying His Amazing Grace.

Because 23 years ago, that girl was ME. 

I was the girl struggling with things no one would suspect, a heart dangerously close to choosing a path that would have led to destruction.  I was the girl certain she was worthless, filled with brokenness and anger at a family out of control......who still seeks healing for hurts and scars that very few know about. 

And I know first-hand what He can do for a heart that cries out to Him.  I know firsthand how healing His love really is, how He overcomes statistics and gives a life so full and blessed, so much more than I deserve, when a heart seeks Him daily with faith that is radical and extreme......not because I'm so spiritual, so good, so holier-than-thou.........but because I need Him.  His love is my One constant in a world and in relationships that are anything but.  I will never cease to be thankful for what He has done for me.  ♥


♫ He touched me, Oh He touched me, And oh the joy that floods my soul! Something happened and now I know, He touched me and made me whole. Since I met this blessed Savior, Since He cleansed and made me whole, I will never cease to praise Him, I'll shout it while eternity rolls. He touched me, Oh He touched me, And oh the joy that floods my soul! Something happened and now I know He touched me and made me whole.

Please pray with me for our camp.....and the lives that can be changed forever ~ for His Glory. ♥



Behind Every Mom is a Real Person....

.....a person with talents, hopes, dreams, opinions, interests, ideas and desires that reveal the individual she is beyond the title she has willingly and wholeheartedly accepted, embraced and is known most by:.... ♥ MOM ♥.

While purging my home of items and clutter that gathers throughout the years, from behind the headboard in my bedroom I pulled out some college project boards that instantly threw me back to another time, another place, and a slightly different ~ and yet, in some ways still the same ~ person.  The person I was when newly married and before my name was changed to ♥ Mom ♥. 

I was in college for Interior Design after several years of floating around, unsure of what I wanted to do with myself.  I first had the inclination towards a Design degree in high school, but was discouraged by a cocky, chauvinistic Chemistry teacher who told me it  wasn't the best choice for me.....perhaps a decorator would be better.  He had me pegged as less intelligent than I was ....and having a less-than-healthy-self-image, I listened to him.  After studying in Elementary Education for a while, I took some time off and returned a couple of years later to pursue that Interior Design degree through the encouragement of a good friend.  Surprisingly enough, I excelled in not only the "decorating part", but also the too-difficult-for-me design aspect of the courses as well as the presentations (another source of discouragement from others because shy, quiet people don't do well at that).

Whatever. ; ) 

When I pulled the evidence of that part of my life out from hiding, I hastily took some pictures of the boards, planning to throw them out as they are no longer in the best condition, but wanting to preserve the memories still.  You can tell how hastily I took them....I'm sure you're quite impressed with the wrinkled sheet background {I had my comforter in the washing machine ; ) }.

Project:  "The Jungle Room" - I had to design a restaurant =)

 The floorplan & seating plan, created to meet all commercial codes/requirements:

Interior Wall Elevation:

Lighting plan:



Fabrics & Finishes:

Project ~ A Bedroom:

They've been moved quite a few times over the year, and haven't necessarily fared well

Project ~  A Fancy Bathroom ; )

Project ~  A Dining Room:

This one was in such bad shape, I only salvaged a very wrinkled elevation....



Project ~ A Kitchen

Again, all I could salvage was one elevation...

After taking the photos, I hauled them downstairs and told my kids to come see them before I threw them out.  As I explained what they were and all that went into each project, they rewarded me with exclamations of, "You drew that?!",  "You did all that?!", "That must have been really hard",  "You can do everything",  "You are so smart", "You can draw really well!" and "You can't throw these away"!!  =)  They are my most enthusiastic encouragers. ♥  They may have earned a batch of cookies. ; )

Just as looking at these old projects took me back to that time in my history, they also caused me to think about all the things I dreamed of being as I grew up ~ in order, as I can remember them.....

• A princess =)
• A bride
• Florence Nightingale
• Wonder Woman {I can still hear the theme song ; ) }
• an artist
• a singer
• a writer
• NOT a bride {an independent teen ;) }
• a teacher
• an Interior Designer
• an artist
• a writer
• a teacher
• an Interior Designer
• a Caterer

I got married somewhere in between the last three, and then I became a ♥Mom♥.  I wasn't prepared for how the Lord would change me through that one additional description to all that is ME.  There was a time when I was sure I didn't even want children.  I was convinced I wouldn't be a good mom...... wouldn't, couldn't be good at it.  Family issues may have had something to do with that, plus I had other things I wanted to do.  I was going to have a career in commercial interior design, financial security, and success. And then, along came Ashlyn.....who will be 13 next month!

Ahhh, how the Lord has used her and her brothers, who came along not far behind, to grow me in a way I can't imagine having grown otherwise.  How He has used them to show me all I can be IN HIM.  How He has taken the dreams that I once had and, once surrendered to Him and His direction for my life, how He has molded them into something entirely different, entirely fulfilling, and taken me to a place that is entirely at peace with who I am.

The world tends to look at Moms who give themselves so fully to their calling as lives and potentials wasted, talents squandered.  I know this to be true as I've heard it and felt it along the way. 

I beg to disagree. =)  Moms who give themselves fully to their families do not cease to be who they once were.  How shallow and one dimensional someone's thought processes must be to come to that conclusion.  They don't cease to be who they once were, but become that and so much more.....if you take the time to look.  It's always worthwhile to do so. ; )

As I look at that list above and the dreams I once had, I see that God has not taken those dreams and desires away from me.  I am many of those things in all the hats I wear.  I am also Wife.  Mother.  Community and Church Volunteer. 

Homechooler.  I've felt called to it since my children's earliest years.  Did I dream of it long ago?  No.  Was I open to the dreams He had for me?  Yes.  Did I (and do I now) feel worthy, capable, smart enough, patient enough? No. But called.....yes. =) I don't know how those who don't feel called to it do it! I was once talking to a friend about it, and other issues in my life......about not feeling like I could meet the challenges the Lord has set before me. She said something similar to this.....paraphrased by my and the years that have passed since she said it, "God doesn't call the most qualified ~ He calls those with willing hearts." With a willing heart and that key ingredient ~LOVE~ He will more than make up the differences that we imagine are there!

How rich and rewarding, how full and meaningful He has made what I have given to Him.  I surrendered my dreams ~ and He has made something more beautiful of my life that I ever could have alone.

She's Sweet, She's Sassy and Oh-So-Strong-willed......

.......and I'm so glad she's ♥home♥!

We wanted her to know she was missed, so we gave her a grand homecoming.... =)

....and worked very hard on her Welcome Home poster!

Robert's contribution ~ I just love the "Thumbs up for you, Ashlyn!" =)

part of Jacob's (her greatest rival) contribution:

the "You Are My Sunshine" is by me, not him ....it's our song from way back when ; )

We hung it on her door, giggling about how surprised she would be to see it.

For those of you who REALLY follow my blog, you know that my Ashlyn has been away on a Middle School Summer Choir Tour/Missions Trip.  For five days, our group from church has served and ministered to others, witnessed and reached out with Christ's love, and grown their relationships with the Lord by putting their faith into action.

They started off their trip by enjoying a super fun day at  Disney's Blizzard Beach, then traveling to Venice, Fl. to serve, sing, and reach out to others in the local community.  Our kids canvased neighborhoods, going door-to-door inviting people to church, distributed information on the upcoming VBS at FBC Venice Beach, sang in church services there and at Southside Baptist in Sarasota, sang at assisted living centers and ministered to residents there, and served at the Center of Hope.  On their last day there, they enjoyed going to Siesta Key Beach, where they swam and spent much time taking every opportunity to witness to others.  You can read even more about their trip here.

Last night, we were treated to a homecoming concert during our Wednesday evening church service:

  

As a worker in the choir {who wasn't able to go on this trip = ( }, I can honestly say they have never sounded better.  I was so blessed by how they sang from their hearts, and by hearing testimonies of how God used them on the trip.....and how He changed them. =)



How thankful I am for a church who invests so much into my children!!  I listened all the way home to my daughter talk 90 miles/minute about the trip.....and about how she talked to others about Jesus, about how the group felt so united in their mission and about how different everyone was because of it!

How thankful I am for that strong-willed spirit! 

Say what?

I know, I know......not exactly the attitude most have about their strong-willed children. ; )

They challenge us ~ a lot.  They can exasperate us.  Much.  But each day when I look in the mirror, I am reminded that just as she is not perfect, neither am I.  Just as God is never finished with me, He is never finished with her.

I am thankful that as strong as that sassy side is that only those closest to us get to see, there is that genuine sweetness and compassion that she possesses.  There is a desire within her to follow Him,  to do the right thing, to do much good......and while I often wonder if she desires such things because she has been raised that way and is immersed in a lifestyle that encourages it or whether she has made it personal within her own heart, I am trusting her future in the One who created her.

I believe that the attributes we possess that society says are negative can  be a tremendous positive when placed in the hands of the One who works all things for good.   He makes no mistakes in the gifts He gives us.  How many people do you know who see a strong will as a gift?  It's all about perspective.....and a Bibical world view really helps, too.  ;)

When you learn to look at everything through the light of that Eternal lens, He'll show you, too. 

He gave my girl that strong will to use for His Glory.  That's what I tell her when she gets mad at herself for losing control of it.  Satan wants to use our gifts ~ esp. our strongest ones ~ for himself, and learning to redirect that sin nature that he uses to do so is not easy.  That strong will that tends to cause so much trouble, though, can be her greatest strength.  It can give her a steadfast faith that is not easily shaken and it can allow her to do great and mighty things for His Kingdom!  I pray it will be so in her life.

And so I call on God's promises for her, that "He who began a good work in her will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus" {Phil 1:6, slighly paraphrased ; ) }!

Am I saying that being blessed with a strong-willed child is an easy task?  Are you kidding me (I actually have 2!!) ?!  If it sounds like (or reads like) I think I know what I'm doing, don't be fooled.  I haven't got a clue.  I wasn't raised the way I'm trying to raise my children.  I'm just trying to do my best for them through Him along the way.

She's sweet, she's sassy and Oh-So-Strong-willed......and I'm so glad she's home.  And so thankful that He trusted me with her.....I'm so glad she's mine. ♥

For five days, I lived in a boys' world (and thoroughly enjoyed my time with them)......and now the family scales have shifted back into balance.  You might think in a family of five that 3 males and 2 females are not a balanced equation.  Being such a strong-willed gift, she counts for two ~ HA!!!