Thursday, June 9, 2011

Finding "The One".....The Journey of Finding True Love

....with Faith Barista.

I discovered Faith Barista's blog a few weeks ago, and haven't been able to link up again due to home improvement projects edging out my blogging time.  I still have more projects to do....but didn't want to miss another week, so checked her weekly topic last night.  When I saw what it was, I thought "Hmmmm......perhaps I'll wait till next week", as it is a topic that tends to get me on a soapbox of sorts.  That, combined with 3 very loud & way-too-hyper-kids-for-that-hour-of-the-evening being hyped up even further by my way-too-hyped-up-for-that-hour-of-the-evening husband had me logging off  and giving up on creating a Barista Jam post.

However, as it often happens, the morning brings with it a renewed and refreshed mind, and often a change of heart.  =)

Faith Barista has become of my favorite new finds.....I think you should check out her blog ~ unless you never need encouragement in your daily walk with Christ.  Maybe that's only me. ; )


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July 21, 1995

The day I changed my last name......and the beginning of a journey that proved to be a much different experience than I ever expected.

As a girl, I often (too often) dreamed of finding The One.....and of what life would be like with him.  Even though I grew up in a family that I thought had me wise beyond my years of the difficult realities of marriage, I have discovered through my  journey that my view was very skewed.  Although I didn't completely fall victim to the "Disney" image of love and happiness, my views were a combination of church-led ideals and American romanticism.

Church-led ideals?  As a teen and young woman growing through those years in a wonderful church community, the idea that God has ONE person for you, out there....just waiting for you to find him/her ~ a Christian soul-mate ~ was one that I grasped wholeheartedly.  The world I know ~ Christian & non-Christian ~ has bought the soul mate philosophy hook, line and sinker.  A soul mate ~ the one person you are destined to be with, God ordained to be with, forever and always.  How romantic.  How ideal.  But is it right?  If it is, then why are Christians divorcing at an alarming rate ~ higher than even non-Christians?

As I've journeyed through this thing called marriage, sometimes rejoicing & sometimes struggling, I've taken the habit of observing others along the way.  As I watched "perfect couples" hurt each other, hurt their children, separate and I watched as friends (and myself) were shocked as "scandals" unfolded, affairs were revealed, heart-breaking and family-altering decisions were made......I kept thinking about that "Finding the One" mindset.  And I changed my mind.  Because what happens when things don't turn out the way you expected?  What happens when that person you married becomes someone different, someone you don't even recognize?  What happens when their goals and desires change, when they make choices that you don't agree with and they don't fit into that ideal "one-ness" that you bargained for?  What happens when they (or you) find someone else that they are attracted to, who they are also compatible with.....who meets their needs in a way that you don't at the moment?  Affairs, disloyalty, hurt, anger.  For many Christians operating in "the One" philosophy, they are shocked.  They think, "I made a mistake.  He wasn't the One.  The One is still out there somewhere.....the One God REALLY had for me".  And you have Christians walking out of marriages to correct their "mistake",  moving on to what they think God really intended for them.


Does no one else see a problem with this mindset?  At what point did marriage become so fantasy-like.....was it my parents' generation or before?  There WAS at time when people got married, they built a life together, they worked for a common goal.......there wasn't so much focus on feelings & being led by them, but doing what is right ~ because it's RIGHT.....and they STAYED.  As far back as you can look through history, this is how it was.  When did it change?  There is much good about the development of society, but I tend to think that in many ways ~ esp. in marriage and family ~ we have romanticized and fantasized our way out of the stability they were meant to provide.

I've come to think that each of us could build a happy life and a happy marriage with more than one person.  I know, it's not as romantic as the movies or the picture we like to paint in our minds,  but through much prayer and seeking Him, combined with Godly guidance from those He has placed in our lives to serve such a purpose, "finding the One" is simply finding someone we are compatible with and love, someone who has similar goals and desires ~ and hopefully (if you are wise) a similar desire for their walk with the Lord....and choosing to make him/her the One.  Every day. 

To make that choice is difficult at times, harder for those who made their initial choice of a mate without consideration for the things above.  But as you choose this daily ~ sometimes clinging desperately to the Lord, you will find that the Journey of making the one you married the One forever leads you somewhere else.  It has for me.

It's easy to love in the good times.  It's also easy not to love in the difficult times, and easy to be led somewhere I have no business going in those times by my feelings.  In my desire to make it work when I don't feel like making it work, to love when I don't feel like loving, forgive when I don't feel like forgiving, overlooking when I don't feel like overlooking, and praying for him when I don't feel like praying......God has drawn me closer and closer to Him, knowing Him and loving Him more intimately than I ever expected. 

In my Journey to do what is right when I have no idea how to do it, I have found that the only way I CAN do it is with complete and utter dependence on my Lord.  And I find that the more I depend on Him, the more I love Him, the more I grow in Him.......the more I love my husband and the more I see that he is the One, because through Christ I still choose for him to be.  Even when I'm hurt or disappointed, when we drive each other crazy & when I want to smack him upside the head. ; )

In my Journey of Finding the One, I have found the ONE ~ really found Him.  I found him first as a 14-yr.-old girl, when I accepted His gift of salvation.  But through this Journey, I have found a relationship with Him that is deeper, richer and more fulfilling that I ever had before the Journey began.  I have grown in a way that I never could have before.  When He becomes more than just what you believe in and you really FALL IN LOVE with is then that you can see the One you married as He does and love him as the One God wants him to be.  And then you find what true love really is.  Forever.


Renee Ann said...

Lovely post!

Dawn said...

Amen, sweet sister! I could not agree with you more. Excellent post! Thank you for keeping it "real".

Kristi said...

Wonderful post!!! Thanks so much for sharing it with us!

Bonnie Gray said...

Jill, what a beautiful post on finding true love -- you made it real by generously pulling the curtain behind God's love in your life -- through your story. Thank you for this gift of a post in the faith jam! Your wedding dress is GORGEOUS, btw, ;)