Monday, October 22, 2012

Even If The Healing Doesn't Come : Gifts 388 - 397

Giving thanks in all things, even in the hardest of times, even when it defiance of the enemy ~ because the one who seeks to render me useless, the one who wants to destroy my peace and steal my joy ~ doesn't want me to.  It's in the giving of thanks for each gift the Lord gives me & of praising Him in the storm that He keeps me going when I'm so weary of the things that weigh me down & keep me up at night, that keep me from giving in completely in many areas when I really, really want to.

388.  for Pumpkin Pie Spice coffee creamer ~ I like it; it's yummy ;)

389.  the smell of Cinnamon Cookies baking

390.  for cooler days & the sound of my children playing outside, wanting to squeeze each moment they can out the daylight.....and even the moonlight.  "But Mom, it feels soooooooo good out here!  Can't we play hide and seek in the dark???"  (yes, I let them)

391.  for the warmth of the's been so busy, I haven't taken the time to enjoy it.  I sat outside for just a bit the other day and let warmth of the soothing rays wash over me.  I wish I could have stayed there for a very long time, but even just a few moments was enough to make me breathe a prayer of thanks.

392.  for my children and they way they love me, the way they think I'm awesome and wonderful and amazing in spite of the fact that I feel I'm letting them down, not living up to who I want to be for them.

393.  for the FRIENDS who distract me with their everyday, normal conversations about life, our children,  homeschooling, curriculum, cooking & what's for dinner, choir, making me feel ~ even just for a little bit ~ that all is well with me ......while having no idea of the depths of emotions I am feeling & the inner struggles I am facing.

394.  for the FRIENDS who do know I'm struggling and never cease to bring out a giggle, a laugh, a smile with their silliness and comes naturally to them, and ~ just for a little bit ~ it feels natural to me again, too.  I think they do it on purpose sometimes.

395.  for the FRIEND who also makes me smile & laugh.....but can see past the smile, past the laugh or giggle, past the many ways I try to distract myself and those around me, past the "I'm fine's" and "I'm good's" even when I'm putting on a good the heart of who I am.  It unnerves me sometimes, but oh, how thankful I am for her.

396.  a much appreciated, much needed and much unexpected hug from another friend.  She said that she didn't know what it was, but she knew something was going on with me and she wanted to give me a hug and let me know she was praying for me.  "You said those exact words to me once and gave me a hug, so now I'm doing it for you".  I had completely forgotten about that, but she didn't.  I'll never forget her hug, either.

397.  a FAITH IN MY GOD that holds strong in spite of whatever comes my way, perhaps the one thing in life I will never doubt, who is my one constant, who is forever faithful, who is good in all things, whom I trust when I can trust no one else.  I may not understand, I may cry out in hurt, in confusion, in desperation, even in anger.  I may stumble, I may fall, I may question so MANY things, but my faith in Him and who He is will never waiver.  Even if my questions are never answered......even the healing doesn't ever come.......until the day that my faith shall be sight, the day I am made complete & the day He wipes the tears from my eyes with His own healing hands and I will never hurt again.

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