I Need You Now

I haven't been able to write for months. I come here, I browse blogs, I browse my own and contemplate writing something. I click on "new post" and stare at a blank page, then log off. I grab a pen and notebook and stare at another blank page, praying that the words would come, that I could somehow express what's going on within,  then close it and put it back on the shelf.

People want me to talk about things that I can't talk about, or don't want to talk about, things that it hurts to talk about, and they don't understand that I wish I could find the words, but I can't get them out past the lump in m throat, past the pain in my chest, past the aching tension and tightness that extends throughout my core.  I wish I could talk, wish I could write, wish and hope and pray for some outlet for the things that even I don't understand, don't want to think about, and don't know what to do with.  I've never been in a place quite like this before.

I've always had a song to sing, but I can't find my joy.  I can't seem to find a way to connect the words to my heart the way they always just have naturally.  I force it when I have to, when I'm obligated to, but I don't want to have to force it.  What do I do when the words won't come, when I can't find my song......when I don't know what to do?

Sometimes, He'll send me one....He'll call to me in a song, when I think He's forgotten, when I think no one understands, when I feel so very alone..... and the words hit that place just where I am.  It's not even the first time I've heard it, but it's the first time I've really heard it.  I heard the story behind the song, and it caused my ears and heart to tune in.  And as tears fall and nothing has changed, and I'm still in that very same place that I was before, He says to me, softly and quietly, whispering words of comfort to a tired and confused and weary heart, "You're not the only one who's been in this place.....and you're not so alone".

And in the hours of the night spent when sleep won't come, and in the moments of both the day & night when I feel so overwhelmed & incapable & unsure of everything........like so many times before, I've got a song that becomes my prayer.

I Need You Now 

 Well, everybody's got a story to tell 

 And everybody's got a wound to be healed 

 I want to believe there's beauty here 

 So, I get so tired of holding on 

 I can't let go, I can't move on 

 I want to believe there's meaning here 

 Chorus: 

 How many times have you heard me cry out 

 "God please take this"? 

 How many times have you given me strength to 

 Just keep breathing? 

 Oh I need you 

 God, I need you now 

 Standing on a road I didn't plan 

 Wondering how I got to where I am 

 I'm trying to hear that still small voice 

 I'm trying to hear above the noise 

 Chorus:

 How many times have you heard me cry out 

 "God please take this"? 

 How many times have you given me strength to 

 Just keep breathing? 

 Oh I need you 

God, I need you now 

 Though I walk, though I walk through the shadows 

 And I, I am so afraid 

 Please stay, please stay right beside me 

 With every single step I take 

 How many times have you heard me cry out? 

 And how many times have you given me strength? 

Chorus:

 How many times have you heard me cry out 

 "God please take this"? 

 How many times have you given me strength to 

 Just keep breathing? 

 Oh I need you 

God, I need you now

 I need you now 

 I need you now